Birthday wishlist time!

Let me put this out there: I'm not doing this for me, I'm doing it for you. It's not about greed, it's about compassion. So many times I've heard, "Aww Chris, you're so hard to buy gifts for because you have everything you want!" Well, yeah. It's true.

But here are some ideas! Things I don't have that I want! Do you see how I'm helping you? :p

Ok here goes: (the links are just for illustration, btw)

1. Blue Canucks Hoodie XL
2. Pre-order on Rock Band bundle X360
3. Basslink 10X10 Self amplified Subwoofer
4. Future Shop Gift Certificates
5. A nice 256Mb Radeon PCI Video Card
6. Other ideas (You'll have to search for me.)

So there you go.

What makes a boy happy. Vol. 1

Some Mondays are worse than others.

Some jerk drove his car into my office.

Like, INTO my office.

Fortunately it was Saturday night when it happened, or else I would have been creamed.

You may have heard about a high speed chase taking place...?

According to the police, the dude was quite suicidal when he sped through the intersection at Bowen and Northfield doing over 100 km/h. He aimed for the bus stop in front of our building, smashed into another car, sending it out of control, then flew over the curb, obliterating the bus stop and knocking over a street pole, then crashed down the embankment, through my window, and landed his car in my office, where it immediately burst into flames.

Rescuers said he was so suicidal, he wouldn't even let them pull him out of the car while he burned. They did anyway.

So yeah.

Now we have to determine if I can even go back in there, or if the building will collapse. Woo.

PICTURES COMING

15 Minutes of Shame

Well, seconds really.

What Not To Do To Your Video Store

After exiting our employment with Blockbuster, Nikki and I, with the help of the very witty Kaitlyn, drunkenly came up with the following list of "tips" to help the average Joe be a better customer. Feel free to adopt as many of these into your life as you possibly can, and you may find that low-paid service people everywhere like you a little more.

Warning: graphic language ahead.

THE LIST

1. Don’t expect staff to know your name because you rent so many damn movies
2. Pay your damn fees, and don’t complain – especially if they are tiny
3. Don’t ever call us before we open
4. Never ask us for our store hours, look for the sign
5. Don’t return items with foreign/disgusting items inside
6. Never rent movies on Christmas Day, and
7. Never comment about how it must suck to work Christmas Day
8. Leave the kids at home
9. If you must bring your kids, keep them muzzled and leashed
10. Never use the washroom, pee before you leave, you child
11. Never ask, “What movies came out recently?”
12. Never ask, “What’s good?”
13. Never change your mind about an item AFTER it’s been rung through
14. Do not drop your cigarette butts, fast food cups, candy wrappers, etc in our store
15. Do not blame us if you don’t like the movie we recommended, it’s not our fault you have bad taste
16. Don’t expect new releases to be in on the fucking weekend, jackasses
17. Don’t ask for the same movie the person in front of you asked for if we couldn’t find one for them
18. Never, ever come to the store within 10 minutes of closing, and
19. If you must, do not attempt to start a new account
20. Do not ask more than once per visit about the availability of any title, and
21. Do not doubt us when we tell you a film is not in
22. Do not phone us to ask if we are open
23. Gamers, stop harassing us about games that AREN’T OUT YET
24. Please don’t call us for the answers to movie trivia, we probably don’t know anyway
25. Stop assuming/suggesting that watching movies is part of our job
26. Don’t ever put your hands on the glass doors and windows – we have to wash that shit every day you know
27. We are not babysitters, never leave your spawn in our care
28. Never have your children call us
29. Never hand us movies you want to return, we have a dropbox, ass
30. Stop returning empty cases. Seriously, how hard is it to check inside?
31. Don’t complain we didn’t REMIND you to return your late stuff when you haven’t bothered to keep your account information up to date
32. Don’t drop your receipts on the floor when you leave
33. Don’t stop us and ask us questions while we are obviously carrying heavy boxes
34. Don’t complain about being put on hold, even if it’s for a long time
35. Never let your brats get away with stealing or destroying merchandise
36. Stop disputing our computer, your kids are lying about returning Forza
37. Don’t come in the store drunk, stoned is ok
38. Never remark about the one employee working while it’s busy, and relatedly,
39. Stop lining up to rent the second you see one of us go for our break
40. Keep track of what goddamn episode of 24 you’re on, we don’t want to do it for you
41. Don’t get mad at us if you’ve been sent to collections, you should have paid your bills
42. Don’t return our calls until you’ve listened to your voicemail – we don’t like repeating ourselves
43. Don’t bitch about movies you’ve been sold. Seriously, what did you think would happen after 3 months out?
44. Don’t come in reeking of Burger King, or any other oniony burger joint, thanks
45. Never loudly complain about how much we suck, and/or suggest going to the competition. We’re actually happy to see you go.
46. If your child is throwing a screaming fit, kill it (or at least GTFO of the store)
47. Feel free to proclaim you’re never coming back, but if you do, DON’T COME BACK and pretend like nothing ever happened – we remember you
48. Don’t reserve new movies on Tuesday morning. We have hundreds of them. In fact, it will SAVE YOU TIME to get them off the shelf instead of having us finger through the hundreds of reserved new movies we have. GOD.
49. Stop ruining our signs.
50. Stop asking if candy is free, if it’s candy, it costs money
51. Stop assuming that a two-fer sale means you get a single item at a reduced price, this isn’t Save-On
52. NEVER EVER EVER approach us outside of the store on movie-related terms, and
53. Don’t even ask us to return your movies if you see us in public – we’re not paid to run your errands you dick
54. If it has a price tag on it, you may not rent it
55. Similarly, if it has no price tag on it, you may not buy it
56. Stop wearing too much perfume – you reek, and make our eyes water
57. Don’t come in to the store if you have a BO problem, and by the way, you suck
58. Please stop getting your groceries BEFORE your movies, and expecting us to store them for you
59. Stop trying to pick up our girls, that’s weird
60. Don’t return burned movies and/or bootlegs instead of or with the legit ones we gave you
61. Don’t laugh about burning our movies, jerk
62. Don’t leave your drugs behind
63. Actually don’t leave any of your shit behind – this includes cell phones, sunglasses, debit cards, baby bonnets, happy meal toys, etc
64. Don’t use our public phone, especially not to call everyone you know
65. Don’t ask us to call you a cab
66. Don’t ask us the sequential order of a series, the dates are on the back of the case
67. Don’t ask us when we’re getting Blu-ray and HD, we don’t fucking know
68. Stop asking if we price match
69. Don’t expect to get your money back if you don’t like the movie
70. Also please stop breaking our product to get a refund on movies you don’t like
71. Don’t ask to speak to the manager and give us “that look” when you find out you’re speaking to them
72. If you pick up a movie, and change your mind about it, put it back where you found it or give it to one of us
73. Stop messing up our damn store and then wonder why we can’t find something when you’re looking for it
74. Don’t get all high and mighty just because we work a minimum wage job, I’m sure you were there once too
75. We do not carry every movie ever made, don’t act so surprised
76. Don’t come in and ask to rent a movie that hasn’t even come out in theatres yet
77. Stop bitching that we don’t rent game systems
78. Don’t tell us you have a “brand new, top-of-the-line DVD player” every time you get a defective movie, we know you don’t because people who do are above renting movies
79. Don’t think that the girls like you because they’re nice, that’s their job, creep
80. Don’t leave movies on the counter or add them to the piles of returns, put them in the fucking drop box
81. Don’t give us faulty information, we’ll figure it out
82. Don’t return other store’s movies to us, or vice versa and be surprised that we don’t pick them up for you
83. Don’t laugh about the No Late Fees like you’re getting away with something, it’s the same for everyone asshole
84. Don’t make clever remarks when we read back a title, you’re not clever
85. Stop digging for change, Grandma, we have enough
86. Don’t give us shit about our lousy exchange rate. The bank also exchanges money
87. Never line up at the door waiting for us to open you loser
88. If we are closed and you see us walking around inside the store do not bang on the glass or stare at us, stalker
89. Don’t have loud, personal conversations on your cell phone while we’re trying to serve you, it’s rude
90. If we put you on hold, it’s for a reason. Do not hang up and call right back
91. If we call you about a movie you returned empty, do not give us an automatic, knee-jerk answer of “you’re wrong”. We’re right, and you’re a jackass. Find the damn movie and bring it in
92. Don’t get pissed that we don’t have specials you saw advertised on American TV, this is Canada idiot
93. Don’t break our shit and pretend like it was the customer before you
94. If there is a disagreement about a lost movie and you discover it was actually your fault, please apologize
95. Don’t come in to complain to me about the service you received from a brunette last Friday when that brunette was me, and you’re to stupid to realize it
96. Don’t stand at the side of the counter and impatiently wait to ask us a question while there’s a line up. Wait your turn, princess
97. Stop budging in the queue, and wondering why everyone is looking at you like you’re retarded
98. Once you’ve taken your movies on the other side of the sensor, don’t bring them back through and set it off, and if it’s accidental do not try to be witty about it
99. Don’t leave your huge fucking strollers in the way of other people
100. DON’T EVER CALL. Seriously. Never call the video store. Ever. Seriously.

We're quite proud of our work.

Big 'Gratz going out.

I attended the wedding of Matt Kelly and Wendy Kelly on the weekend.

I just wanted to say, you guys rock! The wedding was beautiful, the reception was fun, and I had an all around great time!

I love you guys!

The End of an Era

Some of you might have heard through the grapevine. The lucky ones, I told in person.

I got a job at JA Smith and Associates, an accounting firm here in town.

Which means...

MY DAYS AT BLOCKBUSTER HAVE MERCIFULLY COME TO AN END! (As of the end of the month...)

Thanks in advance for the congratulations, when do we party?

Monsters on the Carpet

I was almost devoured in a single gulp tonight.


Innocent, I was, as I watched a movie on my couch, one foot dangling over the side, when I saw it. A spider so large it thumped as it moved was mere inches from my toe.

I pretty much shat myself.

Then, motivated by fear, I GOT IT!

I took some pics before I hurled the thing outside humanely.

CHECK OUT THE SIZE OF THIS BEASTIE:


OMG I'm lucky to be alive.

STAT RETREAT '07

Ahhhhh...... <------ That is a sigh of satisfaction.

Nads, Mattie and I returned to the old ways this week and had us a stat retreat. For those of you not in the know, that means pretty much doing horrendously geeky things like playing D&D, Settlers, DS games, and reading fantasy novels uninterrupted, etc, while camping and enjoying nature. It's an odd combo, we'd be the first to admit, but the results have been proven to be excellent.

Once again we made our pilgrimage to Miracle Beach, listening to the traditional STATMIX. Once at the site, we basically spent the next few days doing the above, as well as hanging out at the beach, playing with fire, being totally crude, and of course, stuffing our faces.

I took some photos and put them on Flickr.

Can't wait for the stat retreat '08! WOOO!

The return of "The Sleeper".

Had a visit from an old buddy on Friday.

Mike Klemak. Climax. Clitsmack. Whatever you call him. Actor, model, blowjob.

Anyway, Mattie took the three of us out to dinner at the Cactus Club to ogle waitresses, and Mike told us about life in Hollywood North. The guy's been pretty successful so far, and I fear the OLD BET may turn against me soon.

Anyway, later we drank a bunch, and I took some pics.

He couldn't leave Facebook alone...Mr 300+ friends. La-di-da.

Ummyeah.

Because Devon is seriously gay, this picture actually makes me kind of shudder...

...but not as much as this one.

Oh yeah, we played Settlers. Yours truly DOMINATED again...drunk! Seriously, are there any who can challenge me at that game anymore?