3/16/2008

Most frustrating thing ever?



I tried it. At what would be 1-2, I had to throw in the towel.

1/05/2008

Why you should...

...always clean carefully when you move out:

Because the next tenant might find a picture of you and your drunk boyfriend posing with his balls out under the fridge and put it on the internet.

12/16/2007

Insert worship here.

Today I beat Guitar Hero 3 on Expert.

Because it is by far the hardest of the GH games, I'm feeling pretty cool.

Just thought I'd put that out there.

12/02/2007

Well finally.

I was just browsing the notes for the new 360 dashboard update (arriving imminently) when I discovered this:

Enhanced Video Codec Support -- This addition will please the majority of the video streaming Xbox 360 community. MPEG4 Part 2 support which, in layman's terms, opens up DivX, Xvid, and Nero Digital compatible videos to being sent through your Xbox 360 from your PC and onto your TV. What kind of content that is, well, Microsoft had no comment on that.

Those of you close to me know that I am soooooo not frustrated with MS any more.

10/28/2007

Birthday wishlist time!

Let me put this out there: I'm not doing this for me, I'm doing it for you. It's not about greed, it's about compassion. So many times I've heard, "Aww Chris, you're so hard to buy gifts for because you have everything you want!" Well, yeah. It's true.

But here are some ideas! Things I don't have that I want! Do you see how I'm helping you? :p

Ok here goes: (the links are just for illustration, btw)

1. Blue Canucks Hoodie XL
2. Pre-order on Rock Band bundle X360
3. Basslink 10X10 Self amplified Subwoofer
4. Future Shop Gift Certificates
5. A nice 256Mb Radeon PCI Video Card
6. Other ideas (You'll have to search for me.)

So there you go.

10/15/2007

What makes a boy happy. Vol. 1


Some Mondays are worse than others.

Some jerk drove his car into my office.


Like, INTO my office.


Fortunately it was Saturday night when it happened, or else I would have been creamed.

You may have heard about a high speed chase taking place...?

According to the police, the dude was quite suicidal when he sped through the intersection at Bowen and Northfield doing over 100 km/h. He aimed for the bus stop in front of our building, smashed into another car, sending it out of control, then flew over the curb, obliterating the bus stop and knocking over a street pole, then crashed down the embankment, through my window, and landed his car in my office, where it immediately burst into flames.


Rescuers said he was so suicidal, he wouldn't even let them pull him out of the car while he burned. They did anyway.



So yeah.



Now we have to determine if I can even go back in there, or if the building will collapse. Woo.

PICTURES COMING



9/23/2007

15 Minutes of Shame

Well, seconds really.

9/09/2007

What Not To Do To Your Video Store

After exiting our employment with Blockbuster, Nikki and I, with the help of the very witty Kaitlyn, drunkenly came up with the following list of "tips" to help the average Joe be a better customer. Feel free to adopt as many of these into your life as you possibly can, and you may find that low-paid service people everywhere like you a little more.

Warning: graphic language ahead.

THE LIST

  1. Don’t expect staff to know your name because you rent so many damn movies
  2. Pay your damn fees, and don’t complain – especially if they are tiny
  3. Don’t ever call us before we open
  4. Never ask us for our store hours, look for the sign
  5. Don’t return items with foreign/disgusting items inside
  6. Never rent movies on Christmas Day, and
  7. Never comment about how it must suck to work Christmas Day
  8. Leave the kids at home
  9. If you must bring your kids, keep them muzzled and leashed
  10. Never use the washroom, pee before you leave, you child
  11. Never ask, “What movies came out recently?”
  12. Never ask, “What’s good?”
  13. Never change your mind about an item AFTER it’s been rung through
  14. Do not drop your cigarette butts, fast food cups, candy wrappers, etc in our store
  15. Do not blame us if you don’t like the movie we recommended, it’s not our fault you have bad taste
  16. Don’t expect new releases to be in on the fucking weekend, jackasses
  17. Don’t ask for the same movie the person in front of you asked for if we couldn’t find one for them
  18. Never, ever come to the store within 10 minutes of closing, and
  19. If you must, do not attempt to start a new account
  20. Do not ask more than once per visit about the availability of any title, and
  21. Do not doubt us when we tell you a film is not in
  22. Do not phone us to ask if we are open
  23. Gamers, stop harassing us about games that AREN’T OUT YET
  24. Please don’t call us for the answers to movie trivia, we probably don’t know anyway
  25. Stop assuming/suggesting that watching movies is part of our job
  26. Don’t ever put your hands on the glass doors and windows – we have to wash that shit every day you know
  27. We are not babysitters, never leave your spawn in our care
  28. Never have your children call us
  29. Never hand us movies you want to return, we have a dropbox, ass
  30. Stop returning empty cases. Seriously, how hard is it to check inside?
  31. Don’t complain we didn’t REMIND you to return your late stuff when you haven’t bothered to keep your account information up to date
  32. Don’t drop your receipts on the floor when you leave
  33. Don’t stop us and ask us questions while we are obviously carrying heavy boxes
  34. Don’t complain about being put on hold, even if it’s for a long time
  35. Never let your brats get away with stealing or destroying merchandise
  36. Stop disputing our computer, your kids are lying about returning Forza
  37. Don’t come in the store drunk, stoned is ok
  38. Never remark about the one employee working while it’s busy, and relatedly,
  39. Stop lining up to rent the second you see one of us go for our break
  40. Keep track of what goddamn episode of 24 you’re on, we don’t want to do it for you
  41. Don’t get mad at us if you’ve been sent to collections, you should have paid your bills
  42. Don’t return our calls until you’ve listened to your voicemail – we don’t like repeating ourselves
  43. Don’t bitch about movies you’ve been sold. Seriously, what did you think would happen after 3 months out?
  44. Don’t come in reeking of Burger King, or any other oniony burger joint, thanks
  45. Never loudly complain about how much we suck, and/or suggest going to the competition. We’re actually happy to see you go.
  46. If your child is throwing a screaming fit, kill it (or at least GTFO of the store)
  47. Feel free to proclaim you’re never coming back, but if you do, DON’T COME BACK and pretend like nothing ever happened – we remember you
  48. Don’t reserve new movies on Tuesday morning. We have hundreds of them. In fact, it will SAVE YOU TIME to get them off the shelf instead of having us finger through the hundreds of reserved new movies we have. GOD.
  49. Stop ruining our signs.
  50. Stop asking if candy is free, if it’s candy, it costs money
  51. Stop assuming that a two-fer sale means you get a single item at a reduced price, this isn’t Save-On
  52. NEVER EVER EVER approach us outside of the store on movie-related terms, and
  53. Don’t even ask us to return your movies if you see us in public – we’re not paid to run your errands you dick
  54. If it has a price tag on it, you may not rent it
  55. Similarly, if it has no price tag on it, you may not buy it
  56. Stop wearing too much perfume – you reek, and make our eyes water
  57. Don’t come in to the store if you have a BO problem, and by the way, you suck
  58. Please stop getting your groceries BEFORE your movies, and expecting us to store them for you
  59. Stop trying to pick up our girls, that’s weird
  60. Don’t return burned movies and/or bootlegs instead of or with the legit ones we gave you
  61. Don’t laugh about burning our movies, jerk
  62. Don’t leave your drugs behind
  63. Actually don’t leave any of your shit behind – this includes cell phones, sunglasses, debit cards, baby bonnets, happy meal toys, etc
  64. Don’t use our public phone, especially not to call everyone you know
  65. Don’t ask us to call you a cab
  66. Don’t ask us the sequential order of a series, the dates are on the back of the case
  67. Don’t ask us when we’re getting Blu-ray and HD, we don’t fucking know
  68. Stop asking if we price match
  69. Don’t expect to get your money back if you don’t like the movie
  70. Also please stop breaking our product to get a refund on movies you don’t like
  71. Don’t ask to speak to the manager and give us “that look” when you find out you’re speaking to them
  72. If you pick up a movie, and change your mind about it, put it back where you found it or give it to one of us
  73. Stop messing up our damn store and then wonder why we can’t find something when you’re looking for it
  74. Don’t get all high and mighty just because we work a minimum wage job, I’m sure you were there once too
  75. We do not carry every movie ever made, don’t act so surprised
  76. Don’t come in and ask to rent a movie that hasn’t even come out in theatres yet
  77. Stop bitching that we don’t rent game systems
  78. Don’t tell us you have a “brand new, top-of-the-line DVD player” every time you get a defective movie, we know you don’t because people who do are above renting movies
  79. Don’t think that the girls like you because they’re nice, that’s their job, creep
  80. Don’t leave movies on the counter or add them to the piles of returns, put them in the fucking drop box
  81. Don’t give us faulty information, we’ll figure it out
  82. Don’t return other store’s movies to us, or vice versa and be surprised that we don’t pick them up for you
  83. Don’t laugh about the No Late Fees like you’re getting away with something, it’s the same for everyone asshole
  84. Don’t make clever remarks when we read back a title, you’re not clever
  85. Stop digging for change, Grandma, we have enough
  86. Don’t give us shit about our lousy exchange rate. The bank also exchanges money
  87. Never line up at the door waiting for us to open you loser
  88. If we are closed and you see us walking around inside the store do not bang on the glass or stare at us, stalker
  89. Don’t have loud, personal conversations on your cell phone while we’re trying to serve you, it’s rude
  90. If we put you on hold, it’s for a reason. Do not hang up and call right back
  91. If we call you about a movie you returned empty, do not give us an automatic, knee-jerk answer of “you’re wrong”. We’re right, and you’re a jackass. Find the damn movie and bring it in
  92. Don’t get pissed that we don’t have specials you saw advertised on American TV, this is Canada idiot
  93. Don’t break our shit and pretend like it was the customer before you
  94. If there is a disagreement about a lost movie and you discover it was actually your fault, please apologize
  95. Don’t come in to complain to me about the service you received from a brunette last Friday when that brunette was me, and you’re to stupid to realize it
  96. Don’t stand at the side of the counter and impatiently wait to ask us a question while there’s a line up. Wait your turn, princess
  97. Stop budging in the queue, and wondering why everyone is looking at you like you’re retarded
  98. Once you’ve taken your movies on the other side of the sensor, don’t bring them back through and set it off, and if it’s accidental do not try to be witty about it
  99. Don’t leave your huge fucking strollers in the way of other people
  100. DON’T EVER CALL. Seriously. Never call the video store. Ever. Seriously.
We're quite proud of our work.