You are here.

Most frustrating thing ever?

2008-03-16T22:34:00.000-07:00

I tried it. At what would be 1-2, I had to throw in the towel.

Why you should...

2008-01-05T11:35:00.000-08:00

...always clean carefully when you move out:

Because the next tenant might find a picture of you and your drunk boyfriend posing with his balls out under the fridge and put it on the internet.

What makes a boy happy. Vol. 2

2008-01-03T12:37:00.000-08:00

ROCK BAND!

Insert worship here.

2007-12-16T13:37:00.000-08:00

Today I beat Guitar Hero 3 on Expert.

Because it is by far the hardest of the GH games, I'm feeling pretty cool.

Just thought I'd put that out there.

Well finally.

2007-12-02T21:14:00.000-08:00

I was just browsing the notes for the new 360 dashboard update (arriving imminently) when I discovered this:

Enhanced Video Codec Support -- This addition will please the majority of the video streaming Xbox 360 community. MPEG4 Part 2 support which, in layman's terms, opens up DivX, Xvid, and Nero Digital compatible videos to being sent through your Xbox 360 from your PC and onto your TV. What kind of content that is, well, Microsoft had no comment on that.

Those of you close to me know that I am soooooo not frustrated with MS any more.

Birthday wishlist time!

2007-10-28T09:50:00.001-07:00

Let me put this out there: I'm not doing this for me, I'm doing it for you. It's not about greed, it's about compassion. So many times I've heard, "Aww Chris, you're so hard to buy gifts for because you have everything you want!" Well, yeah. It's true.

But here are some ideas! Things I don't have that I want! Do you see how I'm helping you? :p

Ok here goes: (the links are just for illustration, btw)

1. Blue Canucks Hoodie XL
2. Pre-order on Rock Band bundle X360
3. Basslink 10X10 Self amplified Subwoofer
4. Future Shop Gift Certificates
5. A nice 256Mb Radeon PCI Video Card
6. Other ideas (You'll have to search for me.)

So there you go.

What makes a boy happy. Vol. 1

2007-10-15T22:38:00.001-07:00

Some Mondays are worse than others.

2007-10-15T12:59:00.000-07:00

Some jerk drove his car into my office.

Like, INTO my office.

Fortunately it was Saturday night when it happened, or else I would have been creamed.

You may have heard about a high speed chase taking place...?

According to the police, the dude was quite suicidal when he sped through the intersection at Bowen and Northfield doing over 100 km/h. He aimed for the bus stop in front of our building, smashed into another car, sending it out of control, then flew over the curb, obliterating the bus stop and knocking over a street pole, then crashed down the embankment, through my window, and landed his car in my office, where it immediately burst into flames.

Rescuers said he was so suicidal, he wouldn't even let them pull him out of the car while he burned. They did anyway.

So yeah.

Now we have to determine if I can even go back in there, or if the building will collapse. Woo.

PICTURES COMING

15 Minutes of Shame

2007-09-23T14:57:00.001-07:00

Well, seconds really.

What Not To Do To Your Video Store

2007-09-09T08:46:00.000-07:00

After exiting our employment with Blockbuster, Nikki and I, with the help of the very witty Kaitlyn, drunkenly came up with the following list of "tips" to help the average Joe be a better customer. Feel free to adopt as many of these into your life as you possibly can, and you may find that low-paid service people everywhere like you a little more.

Warning: graphic language ahead.

THE LIST

Don’t expect staff to know your name because you rent so many damn movies
Pay your damn fees, and don’t complain – especially if they are tiny
Don’t ever call us before we open
Never ask us for our store hours, look for the sign
Don’t return items with foreign/disgusting items inside
Never rent movies on Christmas Day, and
Never comment about how it must suck to work Christmas Day
Leave the kids at home
If you must bring your kids, keep them muzzled and leashed
Never use the washroom, pee before you leave, you child
Never ask, “What movies came out recently?”
Never ask, “What’s good?”
Never change your mind about an item AFTER it’s been rung through
Do not drop your cigarette butts, fast food cups, candy wrappers, etc in our store
Do not blame us if you don’t like the movie we recommended, it’s not our fault you have bad taste
Don’t expect new releases to be in on the fucking weekend, jackasses
Don’t ask for the same movie the person in front of you asked for if we couldn’t find one for them
Never, ever come to the store within 10 minutes of closing, and
If you must, do not attempt to start a new account
Do not ask more than once per visit about the availability of any title, and
Do not doubt us when we tell you a film is not in
Do not phone us to ask if we are open
Gamers, stop harassing us about games that AREN’T OUT YET
Please don’t call us for the answers to movie trivia, we probably don’t know anyway
Stop assuming/suggesting that watching movies is part of our job
Don’t ever put your hands on the glass doors and windows – we have to wash that shit every day you know
We are not babysitters, never leave your spawn in our care
Never have your children call us
Never hand us movies you want to return, we have a dropbox, ass
Stop returning empty cases. Seriously, how hard is it to check inside?
Don’t complain we didn’t REMIND you to return your late stuff when you haven’t bothered to keep your account information up to date
Don’t drop your receipts on the floor when you leave
Don’t stop us and ask us questions while we are obviously carrying heavy boxes
Don’t complain about being put on hold, even if it’s for a long time
Never let your brats get away with stealing or destroying merchandise
Stop disputing our computer, your kids are lying about returning Forza
Don’t come in the store drunk, stoned is ok
Never remark about the one employee working while it’s busy, and relatedly,
Stop lining up to rent the second you see one of us go for our break
Keep track of what goddamn episode of 24 you’re on, we don’t want to do it for you
Don’t get mad at us if you’ve been sent to collections, you should have paid your bills
Don’t return our calls until you’ve listened to your voicemail – we don’t like repeating ourselves
Don’t bitch about movies you’ve been sold. Seriously, what did you think would happen after 3 months out?
Don’t come in reeking of Burger King, or any other oniony burger joint, thanks
Never loudly complain about how much we suck, and/or suggest going to the competition. We’re actually happy to see you go.
If your child is throwing a screaming fit, kill it (or at least GTFO of the store)
Feel free to proclaim you’re never coming back, but if you do, DON’T COME BACK and pretend like nothing ever happened – we remember you
Don’t reserve new movies on Tuesday morning. We have hundreds of them. In fact, it will SAVE YOU TIME to get them off the shelf instead of having us finger through the hundreds of reserved new movies we have. GOD.
Stop ruining our signs.
Stop asking if candy is free, if it’s candy, it costs money
Stop assuming that a two-fer sale means you get a single item at a reduced price, this isn’t Save-On
NEVER EVER EVER approach us outside of the store on movie-related terms, and
Don’t even ask us to return your movies if you see us in public – we’re not paid to run your errands you dick
If it has a price tag on it, you may not rent it
Similarly, if it has no price tag on it, you may not buy it
Stop wearing too much perfume – you reek, and make our eyes water
Don’t come in to the store if you have a BO problem, and by the way, you suck
Please stop getting your groceries BEFORE your movies, and expecting us to store them for you
Stop trying to pick up our girls, that’s weird
Don’t return burned movies and/or bootlegs instead of or with the legit ones we gave you
Don’t laugh about burning our movies, jerk
Don’t leave your drugs behind
Actually don’t leave any of your shit behind – this includes cell phones, sunglasses, debit cards, baby bonnets, happy meal toys, etc
Don’t use our public phone, especially not to call everyone you know
Don’t ask us to call you a cab
Don’t ask us the sequential order of a series, the dates are on the back of the case
Don’t ask us when we’re getting Blu-ray and HD, we don’t fucking know
Stop asking if we price match
Don’t expect to get your money back if you don’t like the movie
Also please stop breaking our product to get a refund on movies you don’t like
Don’t ask to speak to the manager and give us “that look” when you find out you’re speaking to them
If you pick up a movie, and change your mind about it, put it back where you found it or give it to one of us
Stop messing up our damn store and then wonder why we can’t find something when you’re looking for it
Don’t get all high and mighty just because we work a minimum wage job, I’m sure you were there once too
We do not carry every movie ever made, don’t act so surprised
Don’t come in and ask to rent a movie that hasn’t even come out in theatres yet
Stop bitching that we don’t rent game systems
Don’t tell us you have a “brand new, top-of-the-line DVD player” every time you get a defective movie, we know you don’t because people who do are above renting movies
Don’t think that the girls like you because they’re nice, that’s their job, creep
Don’t leave movies on the counter or add them to the piles of returns, put them in the fucking drop box
Don’t give us faulty information, we’ll figure it out
Don’t return other store’s movies to us, or vice versa and be surprised that we don’t pick them up for you
Don’t laugh about the No Late Fees like you’re getting away with something, it’s the same for everyone asshole
Don’t make clever remarks when we read back a title, you’re not clever
Stop digging for change, Grandma, we have enough
Don’t give us shit about our lousy exchange rate. The bank also exchanges money
Never line up at the door waiting for us to open you loser
If we are closed and you see us walking around inside the store do not bang on the glass or stare at us, stalker
Don’t have loud, personal conversations on your cell phone while we’re trying to serve you, it’s rude
If we put you on hold, it’s for a reason. Do not hang up and call right back
If we call you about a movie you returned empty, do not give us an automatic, knee-jerk answer of “you’re wrong”. We’re right, and you’re a jackass. Find the damn movie and bring it in
Don’t get pissed that we don’t have specials you saw advertised on American TV, this is Canada idiot
Don’t break our shit and pretend like it was the customer before you
If there is a disagreement about a lost movie and you discover it was actually your fault, please apologize
Don’t come in to complain to me about the service you received from a brunette last Friday when that brunette was me, and you’re to stupid to realize it
Don’t stand at the side of the counter and impatiently wait to ask us a question while there’s a line up. Wait your turn, princess
Stop budging in the queue, and wondering why everyone is looking at you like you’re retarded
Once you’ve taken your movies on the other side of the sensor, don’t bring them back through and set it off, and if it’s accidental do not try to be witty about it
Don’t leave your huge fucking strollers in the way of other people
DON’T EVER CALL. Seriously. Never call the video store. Ever. Seriously.

We're quite proud of our work.

Big 'Gratz going out.

2007-08-23T00:48:00.000-07:00

I attended the wedding of Matt Kelly and Wendy Kelly on the weekend.

I just wanted to say, you guys rock! The wedding was beautiful, the reception was fun, and I had an all around great time!

I love you guys!

The End of an Era

2007-08-08T11:11:00.000-07:00

Some of you might have heard through the grapevine. The lucky ones, I told in person.

I got a job at JA Smith and Associates, an accounting firm here in town.

Which means...

MY DAYS AT BLOCKBUSTER HAVE MERCIFULLY COME TO AN END! (As of the end of the month...)

Thanks in advance for the congratulations, when do we party?

Monsters on the Carpet

2007-08-03T00:26:00.000-07:00

I was almost devoured in a single gulp tonight.

Innocent, I was, as I watched a movie on my couch, one foot dangling over the side, when I saw it. A spider so large it thumped as it moved was mere inches from my toe.

I pretty much shat myself.

Then, motivated by fear, I GOT IT!

I took some pics before I hurled the thing outside humanely.

CHECK OUT THE SIZE OF THIS BEASTIE:

OMG I'm lucky to be alive.

STAT RETREAT '07

2007-07-27T11:44:00.000-07:00

Ahhhhh...... <------ That is a sigh of satisfaction.

Nads, Mattie and I returned to the old ways this week and had us a stat retreat. For those of you not in the know, that means pretty much doing horrendously geeky things like playing D&D, Settlers, DS games, and reading fantasy novels uninterrupted, etc, while camping and enjoying nature. It's an odd combo, we'd be the first to admit, but the results have been proven to be excellent.

Once again we made our pilgrimage to Miracle Beach, listening to the traditional STATMIX. Once at the site, we basically spent the next few days doing the above, as well as hanging out at the beach, playing with fire, being totally crude, and of course, stuffing our faces.

I took some photos and put them on Flickr.

Can't wait for the stat retreat '08! WOOO!

The return of "The Sleeper".

2007-07-08T00:31:00.000-07:00

Had a visit from an old buddy on Friday.

Mike Klemak. Climax. Clitsmack. Whatever you call him. Actor, model, blowjob.

Anyway, Mattie took the three of us out to dinner at the Cactus Club to ogle waitresses, and Mike told us about life in Hollywood North. The guy's been pretty successful so far, and I fear the OLD BET may turn against me soon.

Anyway, later we drank a bunch, and I took some pics.

He couldn't leave Facebook alone...Mr 300+ friends. La-di-da.

Ummyeah.

Because Devon is seriously gay, this picture actually makes me kind of shudder...

...but not as much as this one.

Oh yeah, we played Settlers. Yours truly DOMINATED again...drunk! Seriously, are there any who can challenge me at that game anymore?

The Winter of Mattie's Discontent

2007-06-13T23:42:00.000-07:00

Just HAD to post this.

Nads, Mattie and I had gathered, as we are wont to do, for some Settlers. We were playing one of the Seafarers scenarios where you are encouraged to take to the sea and in doing so, randomly generate the horizon and colonize it.

Poor luck for Mattie. His little sailors apparently all died of scurvy, as you can "sea".

I went on to win...naturally. :P

Chris Bard B.A., Acct.

2007-06-06T01:43:00.000-07:00

Yep, so it was my graduation convocation today. Neat.

Mom, Dad, and Burton were on hand so photos were taken:

Thanks to everyone who congratulated me, and thanks to everyone who supported me over the years!

Sun = good.

2007-06-01T01:44:00.000-07:00

Took Nads and a visiting Cam up to Parksville for some good times minigolfing. (Yeah that's right Michelle, minigolfing! :P) The weather was awesome, the resort chicks were flirty, and we ate ice cream...AWESOME. I took pics.

It should be noted that I dominated, coming it at -1 after 36 holes. Heh.

Naturally, we cooled down at Mattie's place after.

That's my happy face.

The Curse of Guitar Hero

2007-05-16T16:23:00.000-07:00

So, I did some loose end-tying in GH2 today, and it went far better than I'd ever imagined. I now have ONE song left incomplete on expert difficulty...JORDAN. *shudder* Here's an idea of what I'm trying to get done here...

Just because you asked.

2007-04-29T01:29:00.000-07:00

Yeah yeah yeah.

Anyways, here's the quick and dirty list of neat things going on in my life right now:

1. Randy had a surprise birthday party. Fun was had. Pics are somewhere in my facebook stuff. We all ganged up and got him a DS and stuff for his upcoming time in surgery recovery.

2. Um... D20 Modern is actually pretty neat.

3. Uhhh...I saw "The Secret", and while I thought most of it was ludicrous and retarded, it HAS inspired me to have a better attitude about life in general, and to appreciate everything around me. So far the payoff has been terrific.

4. Hmmm...Britt got engaged. She's happy. I'm happy she's happy. I'm NOT engaged. I'm happy about that too.

5. I've started saving for the kayak fund. I WILL NOT REST until Nads and I go kayaking in the Yukon, as planned.

6. I bought a new car. Saturn LS2. It's luxurious and fast.

7. Uncle Ted (Fraser)'s recovery has been swift, and he and Lynne even got to come home for the weekend. It was nice seeing them again (especially seeing Ted walking around without tubes and oxygen canisters) and it was also great to eat home-cooked food -- which I've seriously been lacking.

Yeah that's about it. Stop badgering me to update this thing for a little while, eh?

A glad heart, full belly, and swollen embouchure.

2007-04-07T01:01:00.000-07:00

Went to my mom's for Easter dinner tonight. Visited, blah blah blah.

At one point I was randomly inspired to dig out my old trombone and see if I could still "do" it eight years later. Fortunately, Mom still had the Yamaha Band Student starter guide (for reminding about what positions do what, etc.). So after a quick cleaning of the mouthpiece, I was off tooting.

Unbelievably, it WAS sort of like riding a bike. I remembered a metric %$&@tonne from the bandgeek days, and blazed through the whole course in an hour or two. I rocked the place with newbie arrangements of "Camptown Races", "All Through the Night", and others.

But that said, my mouth feels like ground hamburger.

All you ladies are going to have to hold off on kissing me for at least a day or two until I have feeling again. :P

:|

2007-04-03T17:34:00.001-07:00

Devon sent this over to me today.

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

...but the Soul still burns...

2007-04-02T00:54:00.000-07:00

Well the geekend was fun. Here's what went down in too much detail:

On Friday, Devon and Nads and I decided to start things off with some Romance IV (old school) and just like in the good old days, after spending literally hours meticulously creating our rulers and their multiple generations of offspring (all with mind-shatteringly disgusting names), the game froze. Ha. Ha. Ha. Blame it on Tasty Anus -- his snide little portrait sneered at us on screen while me moaned in agony.

After those two buggered off, Kelly and Simps arrived from Vancouver, and without wasting any time, we immediately started our season in NHL 2K7. 4am rolls along, and we hit the hay, only to rise sluggishly the next afternoon.

After rendezvousing with Devon and Nads, we grabbed some lunch, and since the weather Saturday was INCREDIBLY NICE, we decided to grab all the sports stuff and go run around...for most of the day. (Geekend indeed... :p) It was awesome. I wish I had more friends on this side of the Straight who would want to get out and play some Ultimate on a sunny Saturday. *Sniffle* I love you guys...

After that we came back to BBQ. It was then that SoulCalibur was unleashed. It was the ultimate blast from the past. I'm proud to say my dominance , especially at the edge of the ring, was completely unchallenged. (OOH HOO HOO HOO HOO! <--- Astaroth laughter.)

More hockey was played and by Sunday afternoon, the boys and I had completed an ENTIRE SEASON and won the cup... phew.

So there it is. Other games were played (DOA, DDR, and lots of DS too), and yeah, I ownzor. :p

As cool as it was though, I really must say, next time we all get together like that, we need to get a full on football game or something together -- that afternoon in the sun just beat the Hell out of anything we were doing indoors. (Except maybe delivering an endless barrage of "Out of the ring"s.) HA!

Watch for news of the next geekend!

Geekend Cometh.

2007-03-23T10:21:00.000-07:00

It's been talked about for a long time.

THE GEEKEND. A marathon of gaming. No girlfriends, no interruptions, no consideration towards one's health, and most importantly, no sunlight. From March 30th until April 1st, my pad will be converted into a geek nest. Cupboards will be cleaned out and filled with junk food, freezers will be stocked with beef and ice cream, and redundant furniture will be removed and replaced with blankets and cushions.

Kelly and Simpson will be trekking over from the mainland, and I expect to see my local homeboys all here too. Others are welcome!

On the menu are the following, so if you're coming, GET PRACTICING:

DOA 4 -- newish and in Hi-Def glory! Main competitors: Mattie, Chris, Kelly.

NHL 2K7 -- Clearly, a must. Main competitors: Simpson, Kelly, Chris.

DDR Universe -- just so we aren't completely lazy. Main competitors: Chris, Mattie.

This one's prolly for the late night stretch. Main competitors: Chris, Mattie.

The soul STILL burns...(if Kelly brings his DC). Main competitors: Everyone except Randy. :p

And finally, the 800lb gorilla of geekery -- ROMANCE. This one will keep everyone one up ALL NIGHT. Main competitors: Randy, Mattie.

But enough about the games, there will bee food too! After all, a pile of geeks hafta eat. Weather permitting, the BBQ will be fired up and my famous Bard burger pucks will be consumed. Hopefully, Devon will be there to create some fancy noodly dish as well.

Anyway, everyone (nerdy) welcome! If you have spare 360 controllers/battery packs, bring em! See you at the GEEKEND.

The slap heard 'round the world.

2007-03-10T01:26:00.000-08:00

Played some DDR tonight with Mattie and Cari. As we were bumping off songs, improving high scores etc, the temperature in the living room continually climbed until it was like a gym sock in here. Since I was trying to get through a particularly taxing 215 BPM techno ditty with lots of jumps, I decided to shuck my jeans and get on some gym shorts.

I came back to the dance mat to try the song again.

Now, if you're unfamiliar with DDR, let me explain how it works. DDR is a music game where instead of pushing buttons in time with the music, one dances on a (supplied) dance mat. On the mat are four directions: up, down, left, and right. As the music plays, the screen displays all the steps you need to make in order to pass the song. As the difficulty increases, the commands come flying at you extremely quickly. Also, sometimes you'll see two directions at once. These are not steps, but in fact, jumps. Lots of jumping leads to lots of sweating.

AAAAAAaaaaaaaannnnnyway, I was givin' er on this brutal techno song, and was jumping around like a fool when suddenly as I made a jumping transition to <- and -> at once, there was heard in my house a tremendous SLAP!

Everyone was sort of silent for a sec, until the gales of laughter began (note I was still furiously dancing at this point). Yeah that's right. My balls had smacked into my leg whilst I was bouncing around. Of course Cari and Mattie couldn't contain themselves and I could barely stay on my feet long enough to finish the song. Needless to say, for the next song I was practically riverdancing in order to prevent that unfortunate event from reoccurring.

Oh, DDR. So new, and yet already creating such beautiful memories.

Felinus! I choose you!

2007-03-09T18:47:00.000-08:00

Took some animal pics today whilst cleansing my abode. I share.

Moment of epiphany tonight.

2007-03-08T01:31:00.000-08:00

So, as some of you may know, I've been playing a lot of DDR. This freaking game makes me sweat every time I play (a good thing). After tonight's hopping around, while covered in a sheen of salinated excrete, I came to a conclusion. You know how whenever you see someone playing one of these games in public, it's a 98-lb Asian kid? Well, I don't think they play because they're 98-lb Asians. I think they're 98-lb Asians because they play. Whew!

Anyway, I got Randy playing the other day -- and I think he enjoyed it -- and tonight I had Mattie give it a whirl. Except this time I was smart and photodocumented it. I hopped up with my camera during a song so he could do nothing. Muahahaha!

And here I am posting said pics on the internet, likely drawing aggro.

Meh.

So I discovered this...

2007-03-04T01:11:00.000-08:00

This is an image from the upcoming Kiwi movie, Black Sheep. Basically, some scientific experiment goes wrong, and the sheep become crazed killers. Awesome. I highly recommend checking out the trailer.

Sigh.

2007-02-24T00:06:00.000-08:00

Taken from one of my late night DS-athons with my old friend Phoenix Wright:

Why won't aged 'net humour just die? (Still, I appreciated the reference.)

Top of the (nerd) world.

2007-02-17T12:19:00.000-08:00

Life just got...crisper.

My new 360 finally arrived from Microsoft, and the timing was just perfect. The day before it got here I had purchased the HDDVD add-on from work (for a phenomenally great price), and I was just itching to get it all set up.

So when the box came, I tore into it and put it all together.

Oh yes.

With the drive, I also got a free media remote ($40 value) and a free copy of King Kong ($33 value). After sales and discounts, the thing only cost $150, (HD DVD players themselves retail for $700-800) so I'm laughing.

Anyway, the point is HD DVD is so sexy to watch that I actually need better eyes to truly appreciate it (better glasses are coming). I can stand 6 inches from my display and still see into the image clearly. Wow.

Needless to say, after watching King Kong I zipped down to A&B and scored...wait for it...Serenity. Upon watching it, I was filled with such geek rapture, I was almost moist.

Now if only somebody rented out these discs...

...I'm looking at you, Blockbuster.

Chris' Tales of TRUE CRIME! Vol. 2

2007-02-12T00:52:00.000-08:00

Sigh.

What is it with Sunday nights? I always come home from work on Sundays disillusioned, disappointed, and depressed because of the levels of CRIME I have to deal with. Sunday nights make me hate humans!

At least tonight I caught both the buggers (that I know of). The first guy tried to return for refund an item he had simply taken off the shelf and sneakily ripped open. I told him I was wise to his ruse and sent him and his junkie girlfriend on their way. Then not five minutes later, some other lady tried to pay me in counterfeit money.

Like I said to Shaina, I'm pretty much ready to start assuming that any "customer" I see in that place is a thief/crook/desperate addict. You might think that's pretty hardcore, but you don't work Sunday nights in south Nanaimo.

Mood: Postal

Attack of the VERMIN!

2007-02-03T09:59:00.000-08:00

So the furnace repair guy came today. We pulled out the couch, opened the furnace closet and moved a couple of boxes out so he could access the guts of the thing. As soon as he had the main panel off, he said, "Oh. Here's your problem." He holds out this rubber tube that clearly was meant to connect this one doohicky to this other nub-thingie. Except that the tube had been CHEWED TO DEATH.

Peter was watching on. "Chris? Do you have mice down here?"

"Not that I'm aware of..." I said. "If I did, you'd be the first to know (besides the cats)."

The repair guy fixed the tube, and the heat turned on (THANK GOD). Peter says he's gonna stay and clean up the mouse stuff. Sure, I think to myself -- there's probably a couple of droppings in there. When he goes to get the vacuum, though, I take a look for myself.

OMG.

There's mouse droppings and blood everywhere! BLOOD! And a bag of my Hallowe'en supplies has been shredded. I look a little closer, and discover that the little bugger had nested with fake spider web inside a plastic skull -- how gothic. But even weirder was the fact that it had apparently been living of off a tube of fake vampire blood -- hence the blood everywhere. What a disturbing find that chewed tube was.

Anyway, Peter's out buying mousetraps right now, but I have a feeling we won't be dealing with any ordinary mouse here. Clearly anything that has been exposed to the amount of evil energy in that Hallowe'en closet (there's a severed head on a pole in there for Chrissakes) for as long as it must have been will have changed...will be...different...somehow. The thing lived in a skull, and drank blood! When it emerges...we will know.

Oh yeah, and our cats will be forfeit.

C-c-can't t-t-talk-k-k n-n-now.

2007-02-02T00:06:00.000-08:00

I must be quick here.

The furnace in my place has crapped out, and now it is soooooo cold in here, that I am forced to spend all of my time in my heated bed in order to stay alive. This has led to much Apprentice-watching (muahaha).

Ok time's up -- my fingers are going numb. Back to my nest!

More Seattle trip.

2007-01-29T00:53:00.000-08:00

MMK just posted some more pics of our Seattle trip here.

The lost Cabin.

2007-01-27T14:02:00.000-08:00

Yesterday morning, Nads took me up Westwood Ridge to get a look at the cabin he and some of his old friends had built about 10 years ago. for a long time, I'd been hearing stories about this place, but I had never actually seen it -- it was sort of a thing with his "other friends" so I never really pried.As I understand it, about a month ago, Nads and some of these guys had come back to the cabin after a long time away to patch it up and put on a new roof as sort of an homage to their late friend Lee who helped start the project back in the day.

The hike up was nice, as Westwood Ridge always is.

At one point we came across the clearly marked Cabin Trail sign that led up to the site.

The cabin itself was set on a mossy mound high up the ridge in a calm and serene sort of copse of trees (some of which had been chopped down for use in the initial construction. I took some pics, which you can look at here. It was very peaceful up there (though cold) and the weather was absolutely beautiful, making our hike a totally pleasant experience. Thanks, Nads!

Take that!

2007-01-23T20:52:00.000-08:00

Picked up the new Phoenix Wright yesterday. One case in, it is exactly what I had hoped from the sequel to last year's awesome game. Picked up Hotel Dusk as well, but I'm leaving it in the plastic for now.

Seattle and the Sci-Fi Museum.

2007-01-21T18:42:00.000-08:00

Went down to Seattle to visit the Sci-Fi Museum and Hall of Fame. Simpson, Kelly, Nads, Chemko, and I all crammed into Chemko's car and we blazed down there at the crack of dawn. The drive down was uneventful, with the exception of Chemko's "check engine" light turning on partway down, giving us all a slight sense of dread.

Once in Seattle, we went straight to Mcdonalds for lunch (barf), thinking we were short on time. There I ate a horrible quarter pounder that came, by default, with NO VEGGIES AT ALL on it. After lunch we crossed the street and went to the SFM. The museum was very neat -- and super nerdy -- but I was a little disappointed at how short it was. I was literally in disbelief when I reached a sign marked "exit". Anyway, since it was so short, we had time to kill, so Simps and I decided it was worth the $12 USD to visit the top of the Space Needle. The view was nice. After all these shenanigans, we went for dinner at some awful restaurant called "Outback" which is the American equivalent of Montana's. Blech. Seattle itself was pretty grungy and not worth exploring any further, so after dinner we booked it out of there, hoping to make it back to Vancouver in time for Nads and I to catch the late ferry home. Playing with my cellphone, I recorded a portion of the exit.

At some point during the trip, I mentioned Russell Peter's impression of a Vietnamese guy swearing (now say this really fast): "Hey! F*ck you, you f*cking blowjob!" and somehow this became the trip slogan. We screamed it at each other the whole way home, and even went so far as to order a "f*cking blowjob" from a Timmy's drivethrough. (Interesting sidenote - they gave us twice the timbits we ordered!) So that was awesome.
Anyway, we got to the ferry terminal only to realize that Saturday has no sailings after 5:45 pm (retarded) so we crashed at Kelly's place. End of story. Pictures are here.

Vacation Time

2007-01-19T00:07:00.000-08:00

So, I recently discovered that I have 4 (four) (for) (fore) weeks of paid vacation to use up this year in my new position, and now I have the vacation bug. Besides a quick jaunt to Banff last Spring, it's been six years since my last proper trip anywhere and now I am CRAZY to get on a plane and just go. So after lots of research, I've managed to whittle my options down to a few broad ideas:

1. Mexico or somewhere in the Caribbean. Sandy beaches, hot sun, nude(ish) women, fun "discos". I'd prolly opt for all inclusive so I could be drinking the whole time. COST: $$$1/2
2. (My current fave.) New Jersey. The vast majority of the trip spent at Six Flags Great Adventure, where I would ride the world's fastest and tallest rollercoaster, Kingda Ka (and a few other rides, too). I'd also spend at least one day shopping in Manhattan. COST: $$$
3. Winnebago cross country with the boys. (Or at least, Randy.) Obviously good times there - we'd listen to hard rock, eat weird food, and pick up chicks every chance we got. COST: $$$$1/2 -- those RV rentals are ridiculously pricey.

So, basically I'm undecided on what vacation I want. WHAT A ROUGH LIFE! BWAHAHAHA!

Weaksauce.

2007-01-15T23:22:00.000-08:00

I thought of something today in regards to the Gabriola ferry dropping that pickup in the ocean.

*ahem*

You Quinsam, you lose some.

Pray for my soul.

Chris' tales of TRUE CRIME! Vol. 1

2007-01-14T01:36:00.000-08:00

Tonight had already been a pretty sketchy night at work. Not only did some bugger buy an Xbox 360 with a phony credit card (and phony drivers license), but then his buddies came back an hour later and tried to do it again with with a different phony credit card (in the same name), BUT THE EXACT SAME DRIVERS LICENSE. Sigh.

I h8 fraudsters. That said, it was pretty nice to spend half of my shift giving a police report and going over security videos of myself telling those punks to eff off. (As opposed to actually working.)

You're thinking, "Bah, who cares? You probably have to deal with that crap all the time, so big deal!" True, true. But my evening wasn't over. After leaving work and dropping Willow off, I sped home, listening to high-volume electronica. As I passed over the E. Wellington parkway overpass, I noticed some guy standing on the side, hands behind his back, watching me pass. He was dressed in a black trenchcoat.

"What a weirdo," I thought to myself. I glanced out my rear-view to get another look at this guy, AND HE'S POINTING A RIFLE AT TRAFFIC ON THE HIGHWAY BELOW!

W. T. F.!

So I got to call the police once again. Hopefully that punkass jagoff angstbeast dildo didn't hurt anybody with his (I hope) air rifle.

Statz.

2007-01-13T00:42:00.000-08:00

Statted with the boys tonight. With the exception of my character being obliterated in a second or two by a kraken, nothing spectacular happened. Actually quite the opposite. Devon made some sort of peanut-sauce noodle dish, and we all ate sooo much of the stuff that we were fat and snoozy right away. We were all so lethargic, we couldn't even get the stats started for hours! Anyway , I took pics.

Body Worlds was neat.

2007-01-11T00:45:00.000-08:00

So I went to Body Worlds 3 at Science World on Tuesday. The show was awfully neat, and definitely a little creepy. Imagine being face to face with a real corpse who is holding out his own entrails out for all to see. Fascinating, but chilling. I would have taken plenty of pics, but obviously that was not allowed, so you'll have to settle with these.

The girls at Moxie's, where we ate (and drank) waaaay to much before the show.

...and this is for just the boys.

Oh yeah, and the weather was FREAKING LOUSY for travelling. :P

Good news and barf news.

2007-01-07T12:18:00.000-08:00

First the barf news. (Note: emo ahead!)

So last night Britt (my recent-ish ex, for those not in the know) confesses to me that she's seeing someone. I wish I could say I acted cool and congratulated and supported her, but that is sadly not the case. Instead I turned into a gelatinous puddle of blackness and goo, and proceeded to grill her on the details. Who is he? How long have you been together? Were you interested in him while you were with me? Why didn't you tell me sooner, etc. Basically I was the annoying, emo ex. (I reminded myself of that kid with the purple hat in Not Another Teen Movie.)

GO CHRIS GO!

I'm surprised she didn't hang up on me.

Anyway, the interesting thing is that I figured when this eventually happened, it would be no problem for me as I have been very diligent in the process in getting over her, and so far I was quite happy. BZZZT!. Like I said to Britt, there must have been a little black slug of desire -- that I really wasn't aware of -- crawling around somewhere inside me that whispered junk in my ear like, "As long as the possibility exists, it can't be ignored!" Now the slug's been stepped on. Which is good! But still really hurts...

You know, the more I think about it, the more I'm starting to realize I'm just feeling sorry for myself.

...

Hmmm...

Fuck that.

I think perhaps the best thing I can do here is just to get back on the rails (RAYOWS! eh, Mattie?) of my life and just continue to try to be as good a friend to her as possible. Oh yeah and thanks to those of you who let me rant and gave me some good advice (you know who you are).

Hmmm... these blog posts are a really great idea for getting unexpected baggage sorted and squared away. Woot!

OK! End of emo-ness!

The good news: Microsoft is sending me a new Xbox 360 to replace my old jalopy! This should bring an end to the fifteen-tries-to-get-a-game-started horsejizz.

New Years, mmmk?

2007-01-02T01:01:00.000-08:00

I have pics from the New Year's party in Vancouver here. Here's a little taste...

A good time was had by all -- especially me after many glasses of mulled wine (thx mom for the recipe!). Props go out to Wendy (and perhaps Kelly) for putting on a good time, and I'd also like to thank Simps for hooking us "country folk" (thanks, Sarah) up with rides to and from the ferries. You guys kick my asses!

Like I didn't already know that... :p

2006-12-22T15:26:00.001-08:00

The Picto-Personality Test

You are a person who is very ambitious, and constantly thinking of ways to further your own goals.

When alone, you appreciate being able to do nothing if you want to, and setting your own pace for things.

You are romantic, and when you are with your partner you like to woo them with your imagination.

In the future you will have a good family life and lots of friends.

Take this Test at QuizGalaxy.com

This TOTALly sucks.

2006-12-17T01:08:00.000-08:00

Those of you that have the pleasure of dealing with my bitching in your daily lives may disregard the following ('cuz I'm sure you've heard it all already).

Ahem. TOTAL DELIVERY SYSTEMS can eat my ass.

Here's why:

As most of you know, I like to shop on the Internet. This year, as usual, I ordered the vast majority of Christmas gifts I intend to give from various websites. Usually nothing ever goes wrong. Usually. Check this out:

Dec 9th: I place an order at a website (let's say "XYZ.com") for gifts for at least 5 different people.

Dec 13th: I come home from work and get handed a "Sorry we missed you/first delivery attempt" tag addressed to someone named Chris Baird that was found hanging on my landlord's doorknob. The tag is dated Dec 14th. That's cool -- except for the "Baird" thing. I call the delivery company -- TOTAL -- and they say it'll be dropped off tomorrow (the actual 14th.). Hmm, I won't be home. No problem, I'm told, just sign the release on the tag, and the driver will leave it by your door. I do just that.

Dec 14th: I come home from my 1 pm exam. No package. The tag still hangs from my landlord's door. Weird. Nobody knocks for the rest of the day.

Dec 15th: I come home from work. No package. The tag *still* hangs from my landlord's door. WTF? I check my email -- XYZ.com has provided me with a link to UPS's tracking page for my box. I click it just to see what it says about my box. "Delivered Dec 14th, 11 a.m." Oh really. So I call TOTAL, and very nicely ask where my package is. The girl there responded that it showed as being delivered, and that the driver had released it. Uh huh, so why do I still have the tag, and what signature did the driver get if no one was home, you futchtard? (Ed. note -- emphasis added.) Hmmm, the driver was new, she says. He might not have known to take the tag. Right, so my box was simply stolen from my doorstep (on a suburban cul-de-sac, no less) after your driver sneakily dropped it off WHILE PEOPLE WERE HOME, and coincidentally didn't take the release tag? Hmm, she says, I'll have someone check the warehouse, and I'll call the driver. Thanks.
She calls back ten minutes later. Umm, the driver doesn't remember. BIG EFFING SURPRISE. Please find my box.

Dec 16: While I'm getting ready for work in the morning, TOTAL leaves a mesage on my phone. Uhh, Mr. Baird, we have a package for you and we'll be bringing it by this morning -- we sure hope you're home. I won't be. Cari won't be. Peter won't be. I try to call them back to have them either deliver it to me at work, or to make sure and leave the package at the house, and bill me the COD. But, NO ANSWER! This is mere minutes after they called me! Sigh. I re-hang the tag on the landlord's door, and try to call again. No answer.
5 p.m., I come home from work. No package. The tag hangs from my landlord's door. Sighsighsigh. I try to call TOTAL. No answer.

Dec 17: Rant gets posted in blog.

Here's the best part -- assuming my package hasn't been lost again, and those monkies are even mildy apt at their jobs, the box should come to my door again. But guess who works Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday?

H8.

This is gold LOLZ.

2006-12-14T12:28:00.000-08:00

Better than going blind, I guess...

Bye, Bye Baby It's Been Sweet Now

2006-12-11T11:12:00.000-08:00

Little to note today except that I wrote my so-called "massive" Tax final in the morning. Either I'm super smart, the exam was super easy, or I totally bombed, because I was out of there in less than two hours.

Anyway, the key point here is that as I was walking back to my car through torrential downpour, I was thinking about how I was pretty much done school in terms of real work (PHIL should be a pushover on Thurs.) and how I was pretty much a free person.

I started grinning like an idiot.

I got in my car, turned it on and what starts playing? Fucking Freebird. OMG. I totally had a moment.

Creedence Clearwater Said It Best

2006-12-10T01:08:00.000-08:00

"Gonna Run Through The Jungle."

I saw Apocalyto tonight. For a time it looked as though I might be cockblocked by my own stubborn refusal to go to the movies alone, but fortunately Mattie came through for me and opted to come out to see a movie he clearly had little interest in. Good on you, Mattie! Now what happened to the other people I invited? Hrm?

One person neglected to respond to my invite or didn't receive my message in time.
Another planned to come, but something came up.
Another wanted to come, but needed to go to bed early due to a very early morning obligation.
Another already had plans - fair enough. It was Saturday night after all.
Two others came, but sat elsewhere together.

So there I was at the movies with Mattie - are rare occurence for just the two of us to be out. I LOLed on the inside to note that he carried on the Fraser family tradition of leaving a seat between us. What? Are we at the urinals or something? Anyway, I treated myself to a bag of popcorn and (shamefully) ate the whole thing -- grease and all. Note: the girl at the concession tried to rip me off by 95 cents. I caught her. The dumbass.

So the movie was neat. I'm too lazy to review it here but you can click on the Flixter thingie over here ------> somewhere to see my basic thoughts. Mattie didn't dig it.

I'm (yawn) through.

The start of something new.

2006-12-08T00:07:00.000-08:00

Well, after a discussion of blogs over a drink with my friend Nikki, I have decided (possibly with the aid of that drink) to begin my own. You could say I've caught the blug.

Ohhhhhhh, thaaaaaaat's fuuuuuuunnnnnnnny.

Anyway, seeing as though I will likely soon have more time than ever to devote to something retarded like this, here I am setting up the backbone so that when (if) I do have something reasonably important to say, it won't be in the first post. As for what this could eventually become, I'm not sure. I can imagine myself doing some ranting about work (whilst trying to be funny), talking about games, discussing my take on current events, and perhaps even putting some of my own thoughts on the infinite void in too.

Stay tuned, legions of loyal followers.